Get sexy for the sixth edition of Ask Slutever for IDLM. Karley discusses shape, size, depth, and skill level. Do you have a burning desire to ask a question? Man up! Email her at email@example.com. Be sure to visit Slutever for daily doses of sexual education.
I consider myself a sexually open and comfortable person besides the fact that I have elongated labia. To paint a picture, they hang out about an inch or so past my pussy lips when I'm standing upright. I know only a jerk would make a big deal of this, but I can't help but feel insecure when I’m naked with someone else. My insecurity is so blown up it keeps me from enjoying being eaten out. In fact I lie to my partners and say I can only get off when a girl goes down on me (half lie/white lie). Am I too self-focused during sex? Should I focus on what it feels like rather than what it looks like / feels like in their mouth?
The Bunny Hole
Dear Bunny Hole,
I’m really into long labia, and I’m not just saying that to sound edgy. I know the very neat, slit-type vagina seems to be popular in modern porn, but that doesn’t mean it’s better or “hotter”. Let’s be honest, all vaginas look amazing. Even the bad ones are good ones. Unless it smells gross, guys really don’t care. They’re just happy to be around a vagina in the first place.
Now, I realize it’s easy to stand back and say, “you just shouldn’t worry about it,” when I’m not the one having the problem. However, what’s important to always remember is: everyone only really cares about themselves. You know those times when you think you’re having a bad hair day, or that everyone is laughing at something you said, or that everyone is looking at your zit? Well, 90% of the time no one even notices because they’re too busy thinking about themselves and their own stupid problems. Sad but true. And it’s the same with sex--the guy is probably preoccupied with how his own body looks, and how he’s performing, or if his dicks is big enough or hard enough. Think about it this way: when you fuck someone, do you scrutinize every little part of their body, or do you view them as a whole?
I used to fuck a guy with a crooked penis, and if anything it made me like him more because it became “his thing”, and I thought of it as something distinctive and special about him. Like you know when you really like someone and suddenly all the “weird” things about them become your favorite things? Like a scar, or a birthmark, or a facial twitch, or a crooked tooth or whatever? It’s these little eccentricities that make a person beautiful. (#cheesy)
I just started this thing with a super hot guy who is waaay more experienced than I am, and he says he wants me to dominate him. I have no idea how to do this without feeling dumb! Help? Lauren, Chicago
No fear, domination can be very simple! It doesn’t always have to be over-the-top with whips and chains and ball gags and stuff. Mainly it’s a mental thing. Normally, even in vanilla sex, one partner is more dominant than the other. You just have to put yourself in the position of control. This is going to sound like I’m stating the obvious, but a good trick to work out what exactly turns a person on is to ask them Duh! I use this trick in my Domme sessions all the time. At the start of the session--or sometimes even before, over email--I’ll say “tell me your ultimate fantasy” or “describe your ideal session.” Telling a guy to confess all of his dark kinky secrets is still a dominant act, and it works out double because then you will have a detailed description of what he likes so you can cater to it as much as you want to. Or, if all else fails, just tie him to the bed and sit on his face.
I am SO upset. I just had sex with this guy I'm really into and I like, I could barely feel it! I'm not like fat or very tall and I really shouldn't have a big vagina but I am almost sure I do. This guy is average size, about 6 inches, so it’s definitely not him. But he was really attracted to the fact that I'm smallish and I think he thought I was gonna be really tight. It's so SAD that some girls have big vaginas and some guys have small dicks! It's probably ruined everything!!! I've looked up sex positions and stuff and I realized he tried to clamp my knees together at one point and so now I'm thinking that's obviously why- he was trying to tighten my vagina! I feeelllllsooooshit about it!!! I've always done kegels like just for fun and to stop my pee flow sometimes just randomly and for something to do, but they have obviously not worked! The only time I can feel him is when his tip goes into me at the opening and then when his tip hits my cervix. Have u got any thoughts on this? Other than errrr she's got a big vagina Lol? It’s not like I've had kids, I'm 17!! I kinda wanna die, it made me feel so shit I don’t think I ever wanna have sex again!
OK I’m going to need photographs and exact measurements to accurately answer this question.
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images above by Larry Clark