Sexpot blogger Karley Sciortino aka Slutever premeires her ASK SLUTEVER column for IDLM, and now is your chance to get in on the dirty talk! You emailed her your sexual phobias, fetishes, and one night stand backlashes- and heres what you get! Email her at email@example.com, and ask away for next time!
I've been seeing a guy for a month. We have a ton in common, finish each other's sentences, make the same joke at the same--that kind of thing. He just bought me my first vibrator, we're going to get tested together, we're saving up to get a strap on so I can fuck him (!), and are so excited about exploring kinky sex together. Plus his brain is a huge turn on (he’s a PhD student), and he gets super turned-on by watching me cum, which I think is just fucking delicious.
So... THE PROBLEM is that his dick is SO SMALL. Don't be jealous everyone, but I'm used to big dicks. It's not like he doesn't know how to use it; he's adapted to it and knows positions that let him get really deep; that's cool. But I am not ALWAYS into having my legs in the air, etc, and when he asks me to go down on him it's so disappointing. The thing is, I think I’m falling in love with him, and he’s perfect except for this one thing. I feel horrible and shallow, but it just is important to me. Is this the kind of thing I can tell him? What do I do?
OK first of all, OMG DO NOT TELL HIM! Are you crazy? No good could possibly come from that. Devastating him won’t make his dick any bigger, but it will make him insecure, which will make the sex you’re having worse.
I’m just going to go out on a limb and say this: penetrative sex on it’s own doesn't feel that good. (Boys, take note.) There needs to be other stuff going than just in-out-in-out on in order for us girls to get off, otherwise we’d cum from putting in our tampons. Duh. Yeah, huge dicks are cool (but not too big, because that hurts our cervix), but a big dick doesn't guarantee good sex. There is so much more to sex than just genitals, and from what you’re saying it seems like you guys are experts at the “so much more”.
I dated a guy with a small dick for a while, and he actually made me cum way more than most other guys, because to make up for his tiny appendage he got really good at giving head and did it all the time. Sometimes when guys are huge they don’t make enough effort because they think their dick will do all the work for them. False! It’s like how sex with people who are sort of fucked-up looking is better than sex with really hot people, because the fucked-up people have to try way harder to make up for their fucked-up-lookingness. All of this is scientific fact, by the way.
Finding someone hot and smart who is into you too is near impossible, and you shouldn’t throw that away. You love him, you’re cumming, the sex is exciting, so why are you trying to find reasons to sabotage it? Plus I’m sure there is a bunch of shit wrong with you too that he has to put up with. My advice is, the next time he’s inside you, tell him his dick feels amazing. Sometimes just saying something out loud makes it true.
I'm a call girl. Not full time, but it's my livelihood, and I do it because I like it. It's an adrenaline rush, an ego rub-down, and a lot more interesting than data entry. But at the same time, it's kind of ostracizing, as it makes any hope of a relationship kind of sticky. I meet cool guys, but never know when to drop the bomb. It always gets weird in the bar when he asks, "So what do you do?" and I respond, "Fuck and sell my tampons, mostly... you?” Should I lie? Should I be all vague and mysterious and only tell a guy after I really like him? Or should I bring it up before we sleep together? I'm too lazy to do the whole double-life thing, and I kind of miss falling asleep next to someone I like.
At the risk of sounding moralistic, I think you should be honest. I’m not saying you have to scream “I’m a hooker!” five seconds after meeting someone, but I don’t think you should lie, either. Generally speaking, it’s a bad idea to form a relationship based on lies, because lies always lead to more lies, and in the end you will either come across as totally evil, or you will be called out and look really dumb. Neither is ideal.
I think the main issue here is finding a guy who is like-minded. Most “normal” guys you meet in bars are not going to be cool with dating someone who fucks other guys for a living. Why not try going to fetish nights? Bondage clubs? Or joining fetish forums or alternative dating sites? Yeah, there will be some freaks, but I’ve met some incredible people on websites like fetlife.com. (Also, what’s wrong with freaks? Freaks are hot. And let’s be honest, you’re kind of a freak, too.) There’s no reason why you can’t find a guy who would be into having an open-relationship, where you’re both allowed to sleep with other people, but where you keep each other as the main priority. It’s all about balance. For example, my current bf is cool with me being a dominatrix and peeing on creepy old guys for money, and in exchange I sometimes invite my friends over to his house to have threesomes. It’s give-and-take, ya know?
If you truly love what you do, you shouldn't have to give it up or hide it to find a boyfriend, and if you want someone to like you for who you are, you can’t conceal a massive part of yourself from him. This is getting really cheesy and embarrassing now, but it’s also true so whatever. In the end, it’s important to always remember that anything is possible.
P.S. Watch this video. It’s a good anti jealousy, sex positive relationship anthem.
*Send your "burning questions" to Karleyslutever@gmail.com and receive guidance in our next addition of Ask Slutever!
above images by Kristin Vicari